7. Incidents and new medical issues that aggravated mum’s condition
Nazia
In 2016/2017, mum started suffering from numerous urinary tract infections and unbeknown to me, they were the cause of falls that she had. In a period of 6 months, she had 4 falls. The local council had provided a telephone number that could be used whenever a fall took place but if the fall occurred during out of hours what then? Mum also had a ‘lifeline buzzer’ that she would wear around her neck. If she had a fall, she could press the buzzer and a call would be placed directly to a call centre who would send someone out to help her. This was a 24/7 service. However, it would only work if the buzzer was pressed, and mum found it cumbersome to wear it around her neck, so it sat on her bedside table or next to her water bottle in the lounge when she was watching tv. If she went to the bathroom, she would have to remember to wear it and as time went on, her visits to the bathroom became more urgent. She once recounted that she had worn it around her neck and fallen asleep and in the middle of the night, had the police, fire engine and ambulance at her door. Somehow the the buzzer had gone off and she didn't know and as she had not responded the emergency services turned up. It's also important to mention here that in addition to sight problems, mum had hearing problems and didn't like wearing her hearing aids. Most of the time the hearing aids were sitting on the bedside table rather than in her ears.
On another occasion she had just taken a shower, fallen in the bathroom and crawled to the lounge to call somebody. She spent six hours on the floor almost naked with no one to help her. She had placed the chain on the lock, so no-one was able to open the door despite having keys to the house! Eventually, our neighbour and a distant relative broke the door down and helped mum. I received a call in Sweden from the distant relative saying that it was high time I did something to resolve this issue and find some carers for mum. I suggested mum employ carers to look after her, but she was adamant that she could and would look after herself. She was still resistant to having carers as she didn’t want to lose her independence or her privacy.
Would a change of scene from London to Sweden help?
In March 2017, I suggested to mum that she spend some time with us in Sweden. We travelled together from London and on the first night itself, she had a few falls at home. Fortunately, we had a really good GP in Sweden, and he would check on mum whenever possible.
Our neighbours in the apartment above ours took a shining to mum and would often spend time with her so she seemed happy. It was snowing outside, and she loved seeing the beautiful landscape. However, she was itching to return to London. She was adamant that she should return to London and would make the trip by herself. Unfortunately, this was not possible as I could not return early, and our tickets were booked under the same reference number, so either both or nobody traveled. We spent many times arguing; mum was convinced that she would be able to make the journey alone and live by herself.
During her stay with us, a colleague of my husbands leant us a baby monitor so we could ensure that if mum had a fall in her room, we would wake up to hear her. Whilst this was useful for us, she later recounted to a family friend that we were spying on her. These behavioural patterns alerted me somewhat to consider seeking medical advice, but I wasn’t sure how or what I needed to do. As I was still living in Sweden it needed another trip to London to at least try and find out what I could do. Whilst we had GPs in our extended community, I wasn’t sure what kind of help I would need to ask for. However, that all came to a head when mum ended up in hospital after a major fall.
Return to London…
We returned to London in May 2017, and during this trip she had two falls. The first one happened when she slipped and fell at home. Unfortunately, due to arthritis in her shoulders and her knee replacements she could not crawl and lift herself up. Mum did not like calling the council helpline nor did she like using her buzzer. She insisted that I get her up off the floor as I was there. It would take a while if outsiders were to come to the rescue. On both occasions I lifted her up off the floor. This was against the recommendations of doctors and physiotherapists due to the risk of damaging my back, but she insisted! At this point, I insisted that she employ carers in the house. She emphatically said NO and that she would manage by herself.
Two days before I was scheduled to return to Sweden, mum had a serious fall down the stairs. I was in the house but not with her when I heard her scream as she missed the chair lift and somersaulted all the way down the 13 steps to the bottom! I ran down the stairs and called 999 to get an ambulance as well as calling a distant aunt who lived in the next road and our other family friend with whom I had stayed during mum’s heart operation. The ambulance arrived and blue lighted us to the Royal London Hospital where a CT and MRI showed no damage was done but they wanted to keep her in overnight.
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