4. Hamster on a wheel

My mother’s self-imposed isolation made me feel like a hamster on a wheel, constantly running and juggling my life in Dubai and her life in London. I was constantly worrying about her, phoning her two-three times a day to see that she was ok. If I could not reach her for some reason, I would call the neighbours or any of our family friends to find out if they had heard from her or knew of her plans for that day. When I was with her in person, the diary would be jam packed with appointments. I would batch cook for her, leaving food in the freezer for her to consume in my absence for at least a few weeks. She could still cook simple meals for herself but as time went by, that became more of a chore for her. Fortunately, the three families that remained in contact with mum would often bring food for her.

Guilt vs Reality…

In 2008, following the death of my sister and father, HAD I DECIDED to move back to London to be with mum, I believe, that I would have resented giving up my independence, lifestyle, and the possibility of a future relationship. I suspect my mother knew how I felt, and it is probably the reason why she insisted that I remain in Dubai. It did not stop me from feeling guilty for many years, so I did whatever I could from a distance but relied heavily on neighbours, a distant relative who lived around the corner from our family home and two other family friends who lived near to her. I know that life is about choices. Even when you feel that you have no choice, you still have a choice, and decisions can be dependent on numerous factors and sometimes very complex ones.

I had just become used to my ‘new’ normal life when mum informed me that she needed to have knee replacement surgery. I managed to take time off from work for 3 months and work out of London whilst she was recovering from the surgeries in September and December 2008.

4. Hamster on a wheel