Navigating Dementia: Insights from Eman's Mother's Story

Background

I’ve always considered my mother to be a strong-willed and independent woman. She is now in her 80’s and until a few years ago, she would travel by herself, sort out her own packing and travel between all her children’s houses overseas. She became a widow in the 1980s and was left to raise the five of us alone. She currently lives with my brother and family in England. I live overseas so am unable to look after her directly.

She was a very sociable person and active within her own community. Until recently, she would attend her weekly Tuesday social club and travel there and back independently. There would be times when I would call her and she would be busy enjoying her bus ride or chatting with the neighbours. Recently however, my siblings and I have noticed some changes which have impacted her independence.

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My mother took a trip to Switzerland and Italy in 2018 and following this trip, we noticed some behavioural changes. She was visiting my brother in the USA a few days later and when she arrived there, she seemed to be unlike herself. She appeared to be absent-minded and very quiet which was unusual. What really surprised me, was that she had not brought any of her jewellery or cosmetics with her, nor her credit cards and was confused about what she had packed. This was strange as mum has always been very particular about what she wore and adamant that she should wear matching jewellery and other accessories. Initially I thought it was sunstroke as it was very hot in Europe, or possibly exhaustion as she had only returned from Switzerland and Italy a few days before. My brother who lived with her thought it was jet lag, but we put it down to ageing.

However, as time passed, she became even more unpredictable in her behaviour. Her forgetfulness increased and there were bouts of ‘drama’ and over exaggerating certain events. She was also confused and would mix up conversations between my siblings. At times she would become agitated and experience further irritability and agitation. In recent times, especially following hospitalisations her short-term memory has become worse.

Most disturbing however, was that she has been giving away large amounts of money to acquaintances and people that she barely knows. When we would question her about it, she would become defensive and would insist that it was her money and that it was upto her how she would spend it, dismissing our concerns. What was strange however, was that she could recall the exact amounts she had given to these acquaintances despite her issues with her short-term memory.

For the last few months, her physical health has taken a turn for the worse and complicated things further. She now has severe osteoarthritis, a fractured kneecap and is on her second pneumonia episode. This has led her to become even more disoriented, emotionally volatile and vulnerable.

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The family noticed her unusual behaviour in 2018/2019, when she started baking home made goods and dropping them off at the surgery for her GP. After conducting an assessment, she was diagnosed with early-stage dementia and prescribed medication specifically to slow down the progression.

However, since then, specifically in 2025 her condition has become worse. We all feel that it is partially due to her long periods in hospital and most recently in a care home. Her short-term memory has deteriorated significantly and her emotional responses more intense. Whilst she has moments of clarity, these moments have become less frequent.

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My brother has been her primary carer as he and his family live with her. However, mum feels as though the care they have provided is more out of duty than general affection. It hasn’t helped that I live overseas and am unable to provide her with the love and care that only a daughter is capable of. She misses those small acts of love.

Since September 2025 she has been in and out of hospital and then a care home for rehabilitation as she can no longer walk independently. She requires supervision even when using a Zimmer frame as her legs are no longer weight-bearing. We all feel that she has declined further whenever she has stayed outside her home.

To add to all the physical issues mum has been dealing with, there has been evidence of medical negligence at the hospital. Missed diagnoses have led to delayed interventions and an incorrect ‘Do Not Resuscitate’ instruction was found in her file without our consent and found by my brother by accident. It has stressed the importance of my brother being vigilant as a crucial element of her protection.

It is heartbreaking that mum waits for my daily calls at 9am and thanks me for remembering her. She insists that I’m her lifeline which makes my heart break.

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The five of us have always said that we did not want her to be moved into residential care in the long term, and hope that she will return home as she loves being in her own space. However, we all recognise that as her illness progresses, she will need further support physically, emotionally and cognitively. It is important to acknowledge that if, and when she does return home, carers will be required for her personal care needs, support with mobility and daily supervision. It is highly unlikely that my brother will be able to do everything alone and my sister-in-law may not be able to meet mum’s expectations or needs. Unfortunately, most of us live overseas where healthcare is not easily accessible or possible, so care support will rely on the siblings that live in the UK.

For now, we can only hope that she recovers from pneumonia and that she regains her physical strength through physiotherapy and that eventually she can return home. We are all aware that her dementia will progress and shape her life, but we hope that she can live her remaining years with dignity, love and comfort.

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It is heartbreaking that mum waits for my daily calls at 9am and thanks me for remembering her. She insists that I’m her lifeline which makes my heart break.

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